I Think I Could Love You
by DhampirVampire
Summary: Mara Avery's true identity came to light and even she is disturbed by what was revealed. While out on her own in Manaan, Carth seeks her out to tell her something he feels she should know. SPOILERS! [f!Revan/Carth] Rated T for Language. Fic expands on some dialogue ingame.


(A/N: As with everything anyone ever puts up on this site; I do not own KOTRO. Bioware is an awesome developer and I like to show them love... Although their new teams need to step it up. *cough* ME: Andromeda *cough* Be warned the following contains MAJOR SPOILERS! If you have not played Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, I highly recommend it.)

* * *

The big reveal on Leviathan was a shock to everyone but more so to Carth Onasi and Mara Avery, or Revan as fate would have it. The moment Bastila confirmed Malak's words Carth was absolutely furious. He tried to be as mad and upset as he appeared to be, but in truth he just couldn't. He felt horrible for the woman he had steadily come to care for as a friend and maybe a little more than a friend... The Jedi may have given her a second chance in life, sure, but to be told that everything you think you know in life is a lie... He could only imagine how that felt.

She kept her distance after everyone convinced him to stay on to rescue Bastila and find the last Star Map on Manaan. She would often send Mission to ask him questions on the bridge or ask to plot a new destination. Mission was the one person who embraced Revan's reveal more than anyone. No doubt the newly revealed Revan felt most comfortable in the young Twi'lek's presence. Mission would always give him a small smile before she left, a gesture that brought him some comfort but a little heartache as well. Once she was gone he was the only one left and he found the bridge uncomfortably empty. As much as he hated to admit it, he missed having Mara by his side: Her smile as they looked down at their destination, the way her hand would gently grip his shoulder every time they landed in silent 'thank you,' and hell even her sarcasm.

Even if they hadn't gotten along all the time on Taris, they had formed a sort of friendship and she brought him with her almost everywhere after he expressed his dislike of being left out of the loop on Dantooine. He figured, in her mind, the best way to keep him in the know was for him to be there first hand and he appreciated that she took his council into consideration. Lately, however, he was left behind to stew in his rediscovered feelings of uselessness. There was so much that they were roped into on Manaan from what everyone else had told him and he missed it all.

Carth sat slouched down in the pilot's seat of the Ebon Hawk after looking over the systems again for what felt like the thousandth time. His leg gently bounced up and down impatiently as he waited for Avery, Canderous, and Mission to hopefully return with information on the last Star Forge Map. A small patch of blue caught his attention from outside the window an hour later. He didn't even have to double check the security cameras to know that flash of blue was Mission. He practically jumped out of the seat and walked down the hall towards the main hold. He stopped just at the edge of the room and leaned against the entryway, eyeing the hallway to his left for his companions.

Zaalbar grunted his hello and relief at his old friend and Mission smiled. Canderous walked in behind the Twi'lek as she and the Wookie hugged rolling his eyes in the process as he plopped down in a seat. Carth watched the hallway for Mara, but she never came. "Did you find out anything? Where's Mara?" Carth asked as Mission turned to look at him.

"She's out in city somewhere." Canderous replied. "Probably at a cantina getting a drink no doubt. Hell I would if I were her."

"You guys just let her wonder off by herself with a large Sith presence nearby? You _really_ think that was a wise idea? Remind me again, how many toes did you guys step on infiltrating the Sith embassy?"

"She's the former Sith Lord, Darth fucking Revan! She can handle herself."

"She said she needed some time to herself." Mission interjected before Carth and Canderous said anything more to cause a full out argument. "She sent us back to let everyone know that we found a rumour about where the last Star Map could be. Looks like we'll be making a journey under the water."

"Oh boy what fun." Jolee stated sarcastically. "You know how much trouble is in this planet of an ocean?"

"We have to do what we have to do Jolee." Juhani's voice replied as she came out of her room. "At any rate, it's late. No doubt we will have to go through the government here to get where we need to go, yes?" Mission shrugged. "Might as well try and get some rest. Not much else we can do until morning."

"Yeah tomorrow is going to be a big day." Canderous replied as he stood up and walked out of the room without looking at anyone. Everyone remaining silently looked around before returning to their previous tasks. Carth stared at the centre console of the main hold and sighed as he went back to the port crew quarters and looked over his equipment. His eyes fell on Bastila and Mara's beds only to bring the events from the Leviathan back to his mind. Mara's eyes were filled with tears as she turned back from the doors Bastila locked to allow them a chance to escape. She had been hit with a life altering realization and was also in the process of losing a friend. He practically had to drag her back to the Ebon Hawk to keep her from finding a way through the door and getting herself killed.

"Hey Carth?" Mission's voice called out to him causing him to jump slightly before he turned to look at her.

"Yes? What's on your mind, kid?" Carth asked as he found his blasters and checked them over.

"You know I hate it when you call me 'kid.'" Mission stated clearly annoyed as she folded her arms over her chest and glared at him.

"I know, I'm sorry." Carth responded with a small chuckle as he buckled on the holsters for his blasters. "You look like you need to talk. What's up?"

"I'm just worried about Mara. She hasn't been herself since the Leviathan."

"No she hasn't." Carth agreed as he secured his weapons into their holsters. "Everything she was told is uh- a bit hard to swallow."

"Yeah... I was thinking we should go after her. You're right. It probably wasn't a good idea to leave her in the city by herself."

"I am already on it, Mission. She and I need to talk anyway."

"Oh good. 'Cause I was about to say if anyone could bring her back it's probably you. I mean, I suppose Canderous could but he wouldn't be as nice about it. He'd probably just knock her out or something. Can I come too?"

"You've been out all day. Get some rest. I'll be fine on my own. Where was the last place you saw her?"

"Umm, she was headed towards Ahto West. I remember there being a mercenary cantina around there. Hey at least she went to the Republic side of town."

"Makes walking around a bit easier on my part. Look after the Hawk, Mission. I'll be back soon."

* * *

"Hey baby... You ain't too bad. If I said you had a fine body would you hold it against me?" Carth rolled his eyes at the extremely old pick up attempt he overheard as he made his way into the mercenary bar and looked around. The place must have picked up at night as Jolee said the place was fairly open when they were in here a few days ago.

"How about you get away from me and I don't punch you in the face?" Mara's voice caught his ears as he finally turned his attention over to the bar. "That was one of the most idiotic lines I have ever heard."

"Aww shit, I seem to have offended my lady friend here. Bartender- another drink for me and one for my lady friend to make it up to her."

"Sorry I'm late." Carth interrupted as he put his arm around Mara's shoulders and looked over at the man in the Sith uniform. "Got caught up in a few things. Is this guy bothering you, gorgeous?"

"Oh shit... S-Sorry man. She didn't tell me she was waitin' for someone. B-Bartender! Make mine a double!" The man trudged away clearly annoyed. As soon as he was far enough away, Mara removed Carth's arm from her shoulders and finished off her drink.

"Onasi." Mara finally acknowledged not looking at him.

"Avery." He replied back as he rested his arms on the counter next to her.

"I take it you're ready to talk about... about me being Revan?"

"If you're ready to talk, then, yes. So am I." He looked around at their surroundings before he grabbed the now empty glass from her and flipped it upside down. "But not here. How much do you owe?"

"I don't know. I had a couple. Uhh- Maybe forty credits?" She said as she pulled out a hundred and left it on the counter before she pushed herself away and allowed Carth to guide her out the door. "You know I can walk on my own. I didn't drink _that_ much."

"Sorry." He replied as he let go of her. They both got caught up in the sunset off the balcony near the exit of the cantina and found a quiet spot to gaze over the ocean. It seemed like since they escaped the Endar Spire life had been a jumble of ugliness. They were constantly thrown into one situation to the next and always threatened by something. They peered out in silence before Carth worked up the courage to speak again, "It's amazing how beautiful a simple sunset can be after all the craziness we've been through."

"Yeah..."

"Just so you know, I had been ready to talk for a while. I figured you needed more space then I did. It's not everyday you learn you were an evil Dark Lord."

"No it's not." Mara sighed as she kept her eyes on the setting sun. "So? Go on, Carth... I'm ready for it."

"I can't hate you." Her eyes looked up at him in confusion. That was clearly not the response she was expecting and from their previous arguments he could easily understand her confusion. "I tried. I really did. I wanted to hold you responsible for all the things you've done. For my wife, for Telos... for Dustil- but, I _can't_."

"That was not what I was expecting to hear, Carth. From the moment I first talked to you, you always had such hatred for everything that happened to your family and homeworld... for the betrayal it turns out I spurred in your life. Now here 'I' am. Right here in front of you." She held out her arms as if still expecting a blaster shot. Carth eyed her until she finally sighed and dropped her arms down to her side. "Why can't you just make this easier and hate me?"

"I got all the revenge I wanted once Saul died, but it hasn't brought me the peace that I thought it would. You and Bastila were right. It really didn't change anything. All I can think about now is the promise I made to protect you from what's going to come. It's given me a reason to look past simple revenge despite whatever part of Revan is still inside you. The-the darkness that must surely be there-"

"Gee thanks, Carth..." She responded, shoulders slightly slumped as she looked back out over the ocean. "If you are trying to make me feel better you are doing a _fantastic_ job."

"I wasn't done... Whatever is left of Revan- It isn't who _you_ are. That's why I can't hate you. I-I don't want any more revenge." Carth's hands cupped her cheeks as he brought her gaze up to his. "You don't _have_ to be Revan. You could be- _so much_ more! Whatever the Jedi did, they gave you that chance. You have this huge destiny waiting for you and I just fear that if you are alone- it could swallow you whole." He watched as a few tears began to roll down her cheeks and she averted her gaze. He wiped away her tears and put a hand under her chin to bring her eyes back to his once more."I mean, is there room in there for me? Will you let me help you?" His hands moved to rest on her shoulders and her gaze kept to his on their own.

"To be honest, Carth. I-I don't know what you could possibly do to help me."

"Whatever's happened up until this point is- I don't want to say 'insignificant,' it's not the right word... But, there's going to come a time very soon where you're gonna have to make a choice. And there won't be any turning back from it. I want you to make the right choice. I want to give you a reason to."

"Despite everything that's happened... Things I can't even remember. Things I've only heard myself apparently do in stories-" She laughed out of nervousness and shame as she stopped herself. "What possible kind of reason could you give me?"

"You gave me..." Carth thought on his words very carefully as he moved a few strands of loose hair that had blown across her face, "a future. I want to give you a future too... With me." He felt his body tense at his confession. He hadn't allowed himself to open up to anyone since his wife passed. Although he wouldn't admit to it, saying this to Revan scared him greatly. "I-I think I could love you... If you give me the chance." His hand had found rest behind her neck and he watched as her breath caught in her chest. A sign that made him wonder if this was as equally as scary to her as it was to him. He continued to watch as she bit down on her lower lip and thought on his words.

"Carth-"

"Yeah...?" He asked bracing himself for the worst.

"I-I think I 'could' love you too."

"W-Well then- then I'm glad."

"What if- if when the time comes... I make the wrong decision?"

"Then I'll be there to help bring you back to the light... Let's-let's face the future together then." Carth felt a small smile come to him as Mara smiled up at him. Without another word she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. He held her close as he rested his head against her's and watched the sun slowly disappear behind the horizon. For the first time in years, he wished he could pause time and stay in this moment forever.


End file.
